One subject matter to be explored is entitled: Know What Makes Your Spouse Tick – Not What Ticks Your Spouse. This article, however, will zero in on what ticks almost everyone – Performance Based Acceptance (PBA).
Earlier in this series we explored the thought Comparison Is Spelled K-I-L-L-E-R. We learned anytime a comparison is made between individuals we unintentionally, perhaps or figuratively, put the other person to death. The thought is planted that the downed individual will never amount to as much as the one with whom they are compared.
Although PBA is akin to these illustrations, the results are equally – if not more so – devastating to the individual and the relationship.
PBA defined declares: If you perform the way I want you to perform I will accept you; and if you do not perform the way I want you to perform I will not accept you.
This practice is difficult enough to contend with, however, those employing this tactic often raise the bar, so to speck, if the contender shows improvement. In other words implying, you will never be good enough to be accepted by me.
Everyone has a need to be needed from the newborn to the vilest criminal I have dealt with as a former jail chaplain.
Illustration: God did not create us as the animals of the field. As human beings, we lay languishing days, weeks, months and years totally incapable of providing our own needs. Why, that we humans establish a bond between us.
This is the primary resentment because it sets people at odds with one another. In our counseling experience we have seen PBA is an element in almost every problem people carry.
Next time: Whose Problem Is It?
