Nov 09

Problems Are Solutions in Disguise

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This may seem an over-simplification of all you have been struggling with for perhaps too long, but it is not. God’s Word has a solution for every problem known to mankind.

A key verse supporting this teaching is I Corinthians 10:13:

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man:  but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”

Temptations happen to everyone, so don’t feel you’ve been singled out. Others have resisted temptation, and so can you. Some struggling people do not see their problems rooted in temptation. Temptation in the Greek language also implies adversity, therefore it is proper to re-phrase the verse to read, There hath no adversity taken you….”

The second phrase has an important point we can extract, “…but God is faithful.” He is faithful to what? Many things, but in this principle, He is faithful to His Word.

According to John 1:1,2 and 14a:  “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us…”

In the best sense possible, if we apply God’s Word in problem solving we are employing God in our problem solving process.

The next phrase, “…who will not suffer (i.e. permit) you to be tempted above that ye are able,” embodies two implications. God will not leave us to be alone in our temptations. If we ask for help He will grant it, but He will not force Himself on anyone.

“…but will with the temptation (problem) also make a way to escape (solution), that ye may be able to bear it.”

Problems therefore are solutions in disguise.

Next Time: Naming the Problem

The Problem is __________

Nov 02

Choices, Choices, Choices

From the moment our day begins until it ends we make choices. Choices are amoral, that is, being neither moral nor immoral. Like sins, however, choices carry consequences.

First John 1:9 gives partial relief to the repentant sinner:  “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” This promise, however, does not remove the consequences of our sin or bad choices.

To illustrate this point follow this fictional story.

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While working at my desk in my second story office I saw a man pass by my window – on the way down to the ground. As he was passing by he yelled, “Help!”

Immediately I raised the window and said, “When you hit the ground, and if you survive the fall; come up to my office and let me see what I can do to help you.”

As you read this you may be thinking that was not a kind and compassionate thing to say. But, before you judge me evaluate the situation.

If I had grabbed the man’s arm and could have held on to it; I could have separated his arm from his body. If he survived the fall he would have been floundering on the ground while I was holding his arm out of the second story window. That would not have helped him a great deal except attempting to do so may have broken his fall allowing him to survive – thankfully he survived anyway.

If I had grabbed his leg I would have perhaps been pulled out of the window and landed on top of him as he hit the ground. I don’t know that would have helped him in the event both of us were severely injured.

But, to make the story have a positive ending he survived the fall, with minor cuts and bruises, and was able to climb the stairs up to my office.

As we waited for the response to our 911-call I engaged him in  conversation.

“Sir, the first time I met you was immediately after you had made a major choice in your life.

“When you chose my roof from which to carry out your plan you did not know this was the residence of a Christian counselor. Even so, once you set your action in motion I was powerless to do anything for you until after you hit the ground.

“Allow me to back your story up as I believe it happened.

“You were walking down the street in front of my house. You must have been troubled about one or more matters since upon seeing my tall house you decided to jump from it as a possible way to escape from facing your troubles. It was under these circumstances we met.

“Now, if when you saw my tall house and you had knocked on my front door to get permission to do jump from the roof I would have invited you to come in. I would have informed you of my ministry and would have sat down with you and discuss your alternatives. Jumping from the roof would not have been one of them.”

The moral to the story is this, before making irreversible choices that could have devastating consequences seek out a mature, competent person who can render objective counsel.

The majority of people with whom I counsel I meet after they have made one or more unfavorable choices.

New Hope Counseling Service is a free service in this community, and beyond, through Skype.  

Next time:  Problems Are Solutions in Disguise

 

Oct 26

You Can’t Steer a Parked Car

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We are continuing to look at making life-altering changes. Making superficial and situational changes we learned are not permanent changes – they are temporary.

Substantial change, that is, a change of attitude can be permanent by maintaining a new, and better, attitude accompanied by changing the direction of our behavior. 

However, you can’t steer a parked car. Once we have had a true change of attitude we must act it out. This principle is based on Proverbs 3:5-6:  “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall (steer your car) direct your paths.”

But they say  (whoever they are), “It is my body; I can do with it what I want to.” This is a dangerous half-truth.

Yes, it is our body and we can do with it what we want to, however, we cannot choose the consequences of our choices. I was free to drink my first beer at age 17, but I was not free to choose not to be a alcoholic until I was 34 years old.

Since God will not force His Will upon anyone, to enact this principle one must do two things simultaneously:  (1) We must put your life in motion, that is, we must pull away from the curb-of-life-style we have been living. (2) At the same time we must start riding shotgun, that is put God behind the steering wheel of our life’s vehicle.

Then, and only then, will our life take on a new direction.  

Oct 19

Third of the Three Levels of Change: The Substantial Level

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Repeating from last week, the first time I heard the statement, There is no change if there is no change, I thought it redundant. But after the Holy Spirit explained it to me I saw the value of this truth:  If you want tomorrow to be different from yesterday, you must do something different today – different as in doing something better.

We have reviewed the first and second levels of change, namely the Superficial and Situational Level.

We have learned superficial levels of change is temporary at best. It has been theorized if one changes their situation things will be better, but this too has proven to be a temporary change.

The Substantial Level is the third level that can bring about permanent change when maintained as a basic outlook on life.

We describe this level of change as a change in attitude. You have perhaps heard the saying:  Our attitude determines our altitude. I learned this truth from a life-changing experience that was a pivotal point in my life.

I drank my first beer at age 17 on New Year’s Eve 1951, and for the next 17 years (as often as possible) I was getting drunk, was drunk or was sobering up. In all fairness to me I was an alcoholic, but I was not dysfunctional.

I graduated from high school in June 1953. I was an A-B Honor Roll student. I did not miss a day from high school during my entire four years. Every job I’ve held I started at the bottom and left that job holding a better position than when I began. Even now at age 80, I can report I have never been unemployed since taking on my first newspaper route at age eleven.

Enough of tooting my own horn now allow me to fast-forward to Thursday, January 16, 1969.

I was attending a free Beef n’ Booze Dinner – all you can eat and all you can drink. The dealership where I worked divided the sales force into five five-man teams. The team I was on won the contest. I volunteered to go to the restaurant an hour early to set up the dining room – not because I was Mr. Nice-guy – but so I could get into the booze an hour earlier.

When the room was set up, I was drinking my second double-bourbon and water. I set the half-finished drink on a table and glanced around the room assuring myself everything was ready.

In that moment, while lighting a cigarette, a waitress came into the room and set a cup of coffee on the table next to my drink.

Simultaneous thoughts flashed through my mind. First thought, why did she bring that cup of coffee to me? I didn’t order it. I was there to get drunk not to sober up.

The second thought, actually a vision, rapidly wiped the first thought from my mind. In my mind’s eye, God allowed me to see my life as He had been viewing it for 17 years – in a flash of a moment. While motionless in that moment I uttered out loud to myself, “That is the ugliest sight I have ever seen; I do not want to live that way another day.”

I went home sober that night for the first time in many years. In October of 1969 I quit smoking as quickly as I had stopped drinking.

After I had stayed off of booze for about six weeks, I said to my family “I don’t think I am going to drink any more.”

My family rightly asked, “Why should we believe you this time?”

Because of many failed superficial and situational changes I was unable to make a firm commitment, but I said, “I have a new attitude. For the first time in many years I know drinking is wrong.”

Until we have a change in attitude about what we are doing, or failing to do, we will not change.

Remember, if you want tomorrow to be different from yesterday you must do something different today – different meaning do something better.      

Oct 13

Second of the Three Levels of Change: Situational Level

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The first time I heard the statement, There is no change if there is no change, I thought it redundant. But after the Holy Spirit explained it to me I saw the value of this truth:  If you want tomorrow to be different from yesterday, you must do something different today – different as in doing something better.

It has been theorized if one can change their situation things will be better. Testing this theory has proven time and time again the opposite is more often true. Situational change is usually temporary change at best.

This is not complicated, but is best understood through Illustration. This thinking is often fundamental in people who do not know how to deal with their immediate problems.

In fact, King David, as reported in Psalm 55:6-8 arrived at this conclusion:  “And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove for then would I fly away, and be at rest. Lo, then would I wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. Selah. I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest.”

But sometime after this declaration, Scripture does not tell us when, David had a change of mind and/or a change of heart. For in Psalm 55-16 we read:  “As for me, I will call upon God, and the Lord shall save (Hebrew:  yasha:  to be safe, get victory) me.”

In fact, by not making a situational change, David had such victory he began teaching others his approach to dealing with difficult situations as we read in Psalm 55:22:  “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee:  he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved” (Hebrew:  mowt:  to waiver, to slip, to fall).

What are we not saying? We are not ruling out legitimate moves. At age 80 I’m not carrying newspapers as I did at age 11 or living in the same house where I was born. But we are being consistent in our primary teaching:  If the sole reason you change jobs, addresses or relationships is to make things better, generally speaking these are measures rendering temporary relief at best.

If a job change is necessary leave it in good order so if need be you could go back to that position. If moving is necessary leave that location in good order. Resolve the issues you think warrant leaving before you leave. Otherwise you simply carry them with you when you go elsewhere. This lesson does not apply to the leaving or ending of all relationships. At New Hope Counseling Service we handle these issues Scripturally.

Next time we will deal with the third level of change:  The Substantial Level of Change

Oct 05

First of the Three Levels of Change: Superficial Level

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The first time I heard the statement, “There is no change if there is no change,” I thought it redundant. But after the Holy Spirit explained it to me I saw the value of this truth:  If you want tomorrow to be different from yesterday, you must do something different today.

The World (society) says, “More is better.” Scripture says, “Different is better.” Bringing about positive change in our lives is not easy -even though we want to do so; thus the time-worn debilitating phrase:  “The harder I try the be-hinder I get.” 

Step One in bringing about positive change is to understand the three levels of change:  Superficial, Situational and Substantial. Today we will look at the elements of the Superficial Level.

The Superficial Level of change I describe as the New Year’s Eve Resolution type of change. As soon as I state this many think they know exactly where I am going with this thought, but there is a deeper facet of this level many do not recognize.

One of the greatest mistakes regarding making New Year’s Eve Resolutions (what ever time of the year they are made) is telling people we have made them. We would like to think family and friends would be pleased we’re attempting to bring about positive changes and would be supportive of us while doing so. Wrong!

These would-be supporters often turn into vultures watching every move we make waiting to pounce on us if we fail to make the goals we set. This is difficult enough to weather, but worse than that we may begin to think they are right. It may be I can’t change. It may be too late for me to change. We may begin to believe we are hopeless and helpless.

Then depression sets in. But, take heed. Depression, most often, is the results of the problem – not the cause.

Next Time:  The Situational Level of Change. 

Sep 30

Who Is the Primary Source of Our Problems?

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Last week I ended with the question:  Who Is the primary source of our problems? Although the answer to this question does not come from a theological source the answer is consistent with Scripture.

The answer actually comes from the comic strip character, Pogo, who boldly proclaimed: “We have met the enemy, and he is us.”

In a previous session we learned God is the least source of our problems. Keep in mind, before accusing God, we are free to do what we want to do provided no one prevents us from doing so. But, we are not free to choose the consequences of our choices.

Consequences have two sources. Bad consequences accompany bad choices. God can design consequences; but He doesn’t perpetrate consequences prior to people’s poor choices. Thus, God levied, consequences becomes chastisement that is the right of God to invoke. Even so, God inflicted consequences are fewer than other sources of personal consequences.

In a previous session we learned Satan is the second least source of problems. We concluded this thought with the question:  What should we expect when putting the Enemy in charge of our life – bad consequences?

In a previous session we learned other people’s poor choices affect us. We learned although others poor choices can levy life-long ill affects upon us, this is the third least source of our problems.

The Number One source of our problems is our own poor choices. And this is the Good News! How can this be Good News? Follow this line of reasoning.

When I arise at the beginning of my day I would hate to think:

I had to contend with an Omnipotent, Omniscient, omnipresent God

I had to contend with an Invisible Enemy – Satan

I had to contend with an army of humans wanting to control me

My solution I have under my control:

I can learn to make better choices that render better consequences

In formulating a decision making process, or before making major choices, reflect on the following:

If up until now everything you have done has not worked well do something different – different meaning better.

There is no change if there is no change. If you want tomorrow to be different from yesterday you must do something different today – more is not better – different is better.

October 6, 2014:  The Three Levels of Change

Sep 21

Who is the Third Least Source of Our Problems?

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Don’t allow the third least source of our problems open the door to blame shifting. Blame shifting is the oldest form of mankind’s attempt to explain away wrong behavior.

We learn this from the Genesis 3:8-13 account wherein we read of Adam explaining to God, “The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.”

“And the lord said unto the woman, What is this that thou done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.”

In all fairness this episode connotes a real problem for people in that other people’s poor choices may impact and ultimately affect them negatively.

Even though other’s poor choices, pardon the expression, slop over on us and could unalterably change our life’s situation this is the third least source of personal problems.

At age 17 I drank my first beer, and for the next 17 years I was an alcoholic. That single act directly affected the lives of six people who were not in my life at that time – my future wife and our five children – not to mention those who were in my life when I was seventeen.

Any person could review the Ten Commandments and see how their choices to dis-obey any one of them adversely affected themselves and others.

Victimization is a real issue, and allotting this as the third least source of our problems is not to demean those who are hurt by other’s poor choices. But because we were/are hurt as a result of this does not give us license to misbehave to any degree.

September 29th Who Is the Primary Source of Our Problems?

Sep 14

The Second Least Source of Our Problems

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Last time it was noted God is often blamed for letting things happen to us. It is wrongly asserted that because He is all-powerful He could prevent problems plaguing us.

You may recall Flip Wilson saying with an impish grin, “The Devil made me do it.” That line was his hallmark expression spoken to absolve himself from the consequences of his devilish pranks.

Although this line worked for Flip Wilson in a-make-believe-world, it doesn’t work for us. Why? Because the Devil cannot make us do anything. Surprised? Follow this Bible-based reasoning.

Just as God is the least source of our problems, the Devil is the second least source of our problems – for at least two reasons.

“But, how about what happened to Job?”

The book of Job is not an allegory. Job is not every man; every man is not Job. Job is the only man who had a right to charge God for what He endured because of God’s pact with Satan. Listen to the narrative from Job 1:8-12:

 “And the Lord said unto Satan, Hath thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, Doth Job fear God for naught? Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? Thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land. But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face. And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power, only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the Lord.”

Suffice it to say, Satan brought total devastation upon Job, but how did Job – not knowing the pact between God and Satan – react to his personal dilemma?

We pick up the narrative in Job 1:20-22:

“Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshiped. And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither; the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.”

Oh, the two reasons we know the Devil is not one of the main sources of our problems.

First, Job is not an allegory. If Job were an allegory at the end of our life time would it not be that God owed each one of us double what we had lost at the hands of the Devil?

Second, what can a person expect when putting the Enemy in charge of their life as I did when I drank my first beer December 31, 1951 when 17 years old?

Scripture warns us in the following three places:

Proverbs 20:1:  “Wine is a mocker, strong drink in raging:  and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise.”

I Peter 5:8:  Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.”

James 4:7:  Submit yourselves therefor unto God. Resist the devil and he will flee from thee.

Just as the Devil was unable to hamper Job until God gave him permission, the Devil is unable to hamper us until we give him permission.

How can the Devil be a primary source of our problems? When we allow him to do be.

On September 22nd the third least source of our problems.

 

Sep 11

The Rule of Proportion

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To say problems are solutions in disguise doesn’t explain where problems might originate. The root-level of problems, I’ve found in thirty-plus years of counseling, comes from one of two areas or a combination of these areas:  unresolved anger and/or unresolved resentments.

There are four sources from which problems stem creating these unresolved issues. We’ll start with the area having the least affect upon us to the one having the most affect upon us.

“God, why did you let this happen to me?”

Atheists have even been heard to blurt this lament abruptly in the face of adversity. Sadly, Christians make this same accusation. Would it surprise you to learn God is the least source of one’s problems – if He is a source at all?

I have found only one place in Scripture depicting God inflicting a malady on a person for His own purpose “…that God should be made manifest in him.”

We read this in John 9:1-3:  And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents:  but that the works of God should be made manifest (Greek:  phaneroo:  to render apparent [literally or figuratively] show [self]) in him.”

The Rule of Proportion:  How many times do we read in Scripture of this happening? Answer:  Once that I am aware of. How many times do we read of God chastising the disobedient? Plenty.

Unless you have heard me teach this particular passage or principle, you have perhaps never heard of this rule. I can’t say it is my discovery; but I have never heard it taught either. It is simple to explain and should be easy to accept.

(To the reader:  If you know of another example in Scripture, please let me know that I might alter this teaching if that needs to be done.)

Otherwise, I repeat God is the least source of our problems if a contributor at all. Next time we’ll look at the second least source of problems.       

If I’ve raised questions through this teaching, please let me hear form you. My answers will come to you privately. If several ask the same or similar questions I’ll compile the answers into another lesson.

Hint:  Are you old enough to remember the famous punch line by the comedian, Flip Wilson?

Look for the answer in your in-box September 15th.  

Sep 01

Problems Are Solutions in Disguise

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Happy birthday to me.  Happy birthday to me.  Happy birthday to me-e.  Happy birthday to me.

Two things are hard for me to grasp.  First, I am 80 years old today.  My wife says 80 years young today. (Thank you, Dear.) Second, I am launching my blog today.

Welcome to this First Edition.  It is my hope we will become prayer partners and close friends in the ensuing days.

If you’ve read our brief bios, you know New Hope, for over 30 years, is a teaching/counseling ministry.  So let me go to teaching.  And if my teachings raise questions or you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask them through our e-mail link or call me.  I’ll get back to you privately.

Over the years people have asked, “Tom, where do you start when people come to you for counseling”

“I start from the beginning.”

Problems are solutions in disguise.  I know this sounds like an over-simplification of all you have been struggling with for much too long, but it is not.  And it is not up to me to tell you what is the matter with you. It is up to you to tell me.

We do not use temperament analysis testing.  TA is good and has a purpose, but from my perspective, casting you as a personality-type puts you in a box and this may give me for-drawn conclusions that would not be fair to you.  I want to get to know you personally. 

To get this information I start with three questions:

What is the problem as you see it?  In other words, tell me in your own words what caused you to seek counseling.

What have you done about it?  Tell me in your own words your best or lest efforts to resolve the issue(s) that brought you to counseling.

What do you expect me to do for you?  This may seem like an odd question seeing that I am a counselor, but it is not.  I will not deal with every problem that comes to me.  People have asked me to counsel them in matters that are illegal, immoral, unethical or un-Biblical.  We do not do that kind of counseling.

Over 25 years ago God designed a counseling plan which we have followed without compromise. This book has a starting place and a stopping place.          

We call it, Living Principles from the Living Word:  A Biblical Approach to Communication and Problem Solving.

This book is made up of impact statements based on a verse, passage or biblical principle teaching change, and the anatomy of change; problems, and the anatomy of problems; things people do to solve problems that don’t work and why they don’t work; and three basic tools that will solve the problems we encounter in life.

As a blogger, I have set a limit of 500 words per entry. The word entry is word number 478, so I’ll close here.

See you on, (Hmmm.) 9/11.