Creating the male first did not establish his superiority, rather it established his need:  “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone (Genesis 18a).”

Creating the woman second did not establish her inferiority, rather it established her mission:  “I will make him an help meet for him (Genesis 18b).”

Continuing this Biblical narrative we move to Genesis 2:21-24:  “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept:  and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh:  she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife:  and they shall be one flesh.”

From Genesis 1:27 we learn three important facts about Adam and Eve. First they were made in the image of God; second, although they were equal to God therefore equal to each other, they were different in that they were male and female.

This was done so they could accomplish the primary task God set before them as detailed in Genesis 1:28a:  “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.” That is to say to fill the earth with their offspring.

Adam and Eve were equal, but each had a different set of responsibilities as parents.

Next time:  Part Two:  The Creation of the Male and the Female

After stating the case by assuming full responsibility and asking what you can do to make matters between you better, as detailed last time, there are three responses you can expect. It is good to know these possible responses to prepare for your next move.

Response 1:  You’re right; you’re wrong.

If you get this response don’t panic and don’t push back. Ask them to give you more detail as to why they feel that way. Dialogue, under control, is part of gaining understanding between two or more people.

Hear the other party out, evaluate and discuss the truth and error in their statement, and ask again:  What can I do to make matters better?

Response 2:  You’re not totally wrong.

Of course this is better to hear, but again ask, listen and evaluate. Ask again:  What can I do to make matters better.

Response 3:  It isn’t you; it’s me.

Say, “Thank you. Now that this is behind us how can we improve our relationship.

If the conversation ends with Response 1 offer a general apology and excuse yourself. When you have done all you can do to restore any relationship and at that time cannot consider the answer to these three following questions.

Question 1:  Whose problem is it?

Without meaningful dialogue following Response ! you cannot know whose problem it is. We’ve already determined degrees of right and wrong on both sides of any issue.

Question 2:  Did I cause it?

Again, without meaningful dialogue you cannot make this determination either.

Question 3:  Can I help?

They will not let me.

At this stage of seeking reconciliation one must accept the fact the other party may or may not at some point in the future wish to deal with this pending matter.

Until they do, or do not, pray for God to forgive you of any wrong you may have unwittingly done asking Him to open the door to further pursue reconciliation.

Remember:

The hardest thing to give is IN.

Giving in is not giving up. Giving in is not giving over.

Giving in is taking the first step to reconciliation.

Next time:

Aisle – Altar – Hymn

Dating – Engagement – Marriage

As noted previously, Scripture is replete in telling us what to do in the event of a communication breakdown – go and fix it – but it does not spell out the steps to follow in bringing about reconciliation.

Apparently, this is a task for the Bible teacher.

A – State the case non-accusatorially:  “I don’t know what it is I have done to cause this breakdown in communication between us. 

B – Assume 100% of the responsibility for the communication breakdown:  Many are quick to say, “Hey, I didn’t do anything wrong; why should I assume full responsibility?”

Remember the lesson that there is always a certain amount of right and a certain amount of wrong on both sides of every issue?

Take it by faith since no one, biblically-speaking, can be 100% right to mend a relationship take 100% responsibility for your 1% or more of wrongness in the matter. It will be worth it when the issue is resolved.

C – Ask:  “What can I do to make things right?”.

Phraseology is critical. If a person approaches another telling them what they must do to make things right between them this approach will usually drive the wedge of separation deeper.

This is a calculated approach that must have total commitment from either side to make it work.

After asking the question listen to the response. Don’t interrupt. Don’t argue.

“But, Tom, suppose they tell me to do something I cannot or will not do?”

Rarely does this happen if the other party is sincere and wants to resolve the issue, but in case they aren’t I do set limits. I will not do anything illegal, immoral, unethical or un-biblical to maintain or retain any relationship.

Next time:  Responses and Evaluations

We closed last time with the statement:  The hardest thing to give is in. Giving in, however, is not giving up. Giving in is taking the first step to reconciliation as Jesus commanded.

Jesus spoke to this issue from two perspectives first in Matthew 5:23-24 and second in Matthew 18:15-17.

First He said, “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought* against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”

*In the Greek language the word ought is as vague as it is in modern-day English. In this instance Scripture does not point out definite conditions under which one would go to another to seek reconciliation. You could be at fault or the other person could be at fault. The second instance, however, is very clearly stated.

Second He said as recorded in Matt. 18:15a:  “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him of his fault…” There is no vagueness in this illustration command.

You may be thinking, He has trespassed against me; let him come to me. With Jesus, it doesn’t work that way.

Theoretically two Christians at odds with one another should bump into each other half way while seeking to reconcile.

But, how do you approach them?

Next time:  Part Three:  The A, B, C’s of  A Negative Approach to a Positive Response

As pointed out previously:  There is always a certain amount of right and a certain amount of wrong on both sides of every issue. Trying to determine who is most right and who is most wrong will never resolve the issue. In fact it will only drive the wedge of separation deeper.

Scripture states in Romans 3:23:  “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”

They (whoever they are) claim the Bible says, “There is none perfect; no not one.” The Bible, however, does not say this. The Bible does say in Romans 3:10:  “As it is written, There is none righteous*, no, not one.”

*Righteous:  Greek:  dikaios:  equitable (in character or act), by implication innocent: – just, right (righteous)

My opening sentence is based upon this word study.

So what do we do when two people are at odds with one another?

Jesus, in His sermon on the mount gave this command in Matthew 5:23-24:  “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave thou thy gift before the altar, and go thy way, first be reconciled to thy brother, an then come and offer thy gift.”  

The hardest thing to give is in. Giving in, however, is not giving up. Giving in is taking the first step to reconciliation as Jesus commanded.

Next time:  Part Two:  Communication Breakdown: A Negative Approach to a Positive Response

I often remark, It is funny how two people see the same thing differently – funny peculiar not funny ha-ha.

The oldest form of problem solving is blame shifting. We read about it in Genesis 3:11b-12:  God asked Adam, “Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? And the man (Adam) said, the woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.”

One of the most common problem-solving attempts employed is avoidance as seen in Psalms 55:6-8:  King David said, “And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for them would I fly away, and be at rest. Lo, then would I wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. Selah*. I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest.”

*Selah:  Hebrew:  sehlaw: Psalms were Hebrew poetry put to music. Selah is a musical term meaning to pause. Here we have an episode of David talking to David. This term, Selah, comes from the Hebrew word sawlaw meaning to hang up i.e. to weigh, or figuratively, to contemplate.

After David contemplated upon the matter and weighed it out, he gave his readers sound counsel, and he then opted not to handle this problem by avoidance.

Listen to his counsel in Verse 16:  “As for me, I will call upon God, and the Lord shall save** me.”

**Save:  Hebrew:  yawshah:  properly to be open, wide or free, (by implication) to be safe. (Author’s comment:  This is not a salvation verse.)

In considering David’s counsel, look at the change of his use of personal pronouns in verses 6, 7, 8, and 16 where I is prominent which changes to the 3^rd person usage in Verse 22:  “Cast thy burdens upon the Lord, and he will sustain thee:  he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved***.”

***Moved:  Hebrew:  mote:  to waiver

Literally, David took his own counsel.

All of this is said to simply say this:  You cannot solve problems through blame shifting and/or avoidance. These approaches didn’t work in David’s life; they will not work in your life.

Now add this truism:  There is always a certain amount of right and a certain amount of wrong on both sides of every issue. Therefor, no one can be 100% right or wrong since, according to Scripture in Romans 3:23, “All have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”

There are, however, twelve words, if sincerely spoken can resolve any issue:  I am wrong. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.

Next time:  A Negative Approach to a Positive Response

One subject matter to be explored is entitled:  Know What Makes Your Spouse Tick – Not What Ticks Your Spouse. This article, however, will zero in on what ticks almost everyone – Performance Based Acceptance (PBA).

Earlier in this series we explored the thought Comparison Is Spelled K-I-L-L-E-R. We learned anytime a comparison is made between individuals we unintentionally, perhaps or figuratively, put the other person to death. The thought is planted that the downed individual will never amount to as much as the one with whom they are compared.

Although PBA is akin to these illustrations, the results are equally – if not more so – devastating to the individual and the relationship.

PBA defined declares:  If you perform the way I want you to perform I will accept you; and if you do not perform the way I want you to perform I will not accept you.

This practice is difficult enough to contend with, however, those employing this tactic often raise the bar, so to speck, if the contender shows improvement. In other words implying, you will never be good enough to be accepted by me.   

Everyone has a need to be needed from the newborn to the vilest criminal I have dealt with as a former jail chaplain.

Illustration:  God did not create us as the animals of the field. As human beings, we lay languishing days, weeks, months and years totally incapable of providing our own needs. Why, that we humans establish a bond between us.

This is the primary resentment because it sets people at odds with one another. In our counseling experience we have seen PBA is an element in almost every problem people carry.

Next time:  Whose Problem Is It?

Root Level is not new terminology in the field of counseling, but different techniques for solving problems see the Root Level differently.

Through this series we have pointed out facts about problems in general such as:

Problems are solutions in disguise

There is no change if there is no change

Attack the problem and not the person

The latter, above, begs an answer to the question:  “If you do not know what the problem(s) is/are how do you attack the problem?”

“Good question; I’m glad you asked.”

Throughout the history of this ministry every counselee who has cooperated with our counseling process, and followed these instructions, found the source of their unresolved problem(s).

The source has always, without exception, been found among one’s unresolved anger and/or unresolved resentments.

To capture my thinking follow this simple mental illustration.

I view counselees coming into my office weighted down by a 6” X 6” X 8’ oak beam on their shoulders. I see an invisible label thereon inscribed with the words anger and resentment. They carry this beam everywhere they go all the time.

Description of anger and resentment:  

Anger has an agenda. Anger wants someone to pay. Anger says, “There is a payment due me, and I will not be quiet until I am paid in full with interest.”

Carrying unresolved anger and resentment is like drinking arsenic and waiting for the target person to die.

Early on we stated that in order to solve any problem it must be given a name:  The Problem Is _____?_____. This is no different than seeing any medical attendant. This is no different than taking an ailing vehicle to your local mechanic.

To identify unresolved anger and resentments look for them where they are lodged. You will find them in one of the following seven areas that apply to you personally. List them don’t just say them to yourself. This is the first step to identifying and isolating the problem.

The Seven Areas where problems lodge are:  Father, Mother, Family (Immediate/Extended), Childhood Experiences, Marriage (Yours or marriage generally), Job/School and God.

Keep your list private. Write as much as you need in order to fully state your feelings. Do not confront anyone on any issue until you have listed all the issues lodged in you – confronting, if necessary, is the last step to perform.

The mind has a mind of its own. It can hold a thought forever or bury it immediately seemingly never to be recalled again. However, the human mind cannot forget anything. This is by Divine Design.

As we develop cognition the mind serves us profitably in many ways otherwise we would forget useful information along with trivia. But the mind does not give up some stored thoughts readily – sometimes because it hurts too much to remember.

This is the key factor in what we will and will not recall. What we will not recall is where unresolved anger and resentments are lodged.

How, then do we gain relief from this self-inflicted mental and emotional bondage?

Through prompting and/or provocation we can recall everything. In writing our lists we are prompting and provoking our memory banks to release these stored memories.

This is not an easy task. As a counselor, I’m asking you to rip scabs off old wounds – wounds you have carefully nursed or begrudgingly carried for far too long. But this is also a part of your healing process.

I noted earlier you were not to confront people as the resentments surfaced. Why? This process, if performed prayerfully, will resolve most of the troubling areas internally and will never have to be verbally expressed.

Oh, and finally, I said list your resentments against God. Some hesitate to do this, but be reasonable; He already knows what they are and who will be the first to forgive you? God.

Next time:  The Primary Resentment

It has been stated in previous articles it is essential to determine which tire went flat first and then begin to do what is necessary to inflate it. Although our diagram and explanations started with the Physical Tire, it is the Spiritual Tire that usually goes flat first.

In the face of difficulties have you ever asked, or heard someone exclaim, “Oh God, Why did you let this happen to me?”

Not to be critical, but this statement is evidence of a Spiritual blowout not just a Spiritual flat tire. Why so? God intends that our Spiritual Tire should sustain our Physical, Mental and Emotional Tires.

What am I not saying? I am not saying if we keep our Spiritual Tire properly inflated we will never experience physical, mental or emotional distresses. All of the above are incidental to our life-experiences.

Scripture speaks to this issue through many passages.

“But, Tom,” you may be asking me in your mind’s voice, “How can I do this when life has me running on four flat tires? Have you ever been through this yourself?”

“Yes.”

April 27, 1987 started just like the day before. However that evening my left retina detached. Since my right retina had detached in November 1979, and after one surgery and a brief convalescent period, my life was back to normal. Not so this time.

To make a long story short, during seven major surgeries in the 13 weeks that followed I lost the vision in my left eye and almost died twice according to medical reports from two surgeons. The first was May 1, 1987 and the second June 22, 1987. In many respects, my life has not been the same since that fateful day.

During one of the near death experiences, the doctors having given me all the painkillers they could without ending my life, I was left alone in my room neither them nor me knowing whether or not I would survive my struggle for life.

While laying in the hospital bed weeping and writhing in the most horrendous pain I have ever experienced, I began singing to myself in what must have sounded like guttural babbling the chorus to one of my favorite hymns, “And I know what ere befalls me, Jesus doeth all things well.” I sang that over and over knowing it could be the last song I sang.

No, I am not a Super-saint or holier than thou. I am a sinner saved by Grace. But to put this event in context for teaching this principle, my Physical, Mental and Emotional Tires were flat – but my Spiritual Tire was not.

Now, back to Scripture.         

Isaiah 26:3 KJV:  “Thou (God) wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind (or thought, or imagination) is stayed on thee:  because he trusteth in thee.”

The Application Study Bible comments:  “We can never avoid strife in the world around us, but with God we can know perfect peace even in turmoil. When we are devoted to Him our whole attitude is steady and stable. Supported by God’s unchanging love and mighty power we are not shaken by the surrounding chaos as attested to in Philippians 4:7:  ‘And the peace of God which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.’”

God is already prepared to “keep us in perfect peace” throughout life’s struggles and challenges; but our minds must “be stayed on him.”

How do we do this?

Dr. Ed Wheat, M.D., in his book Love Life For Every Married Couple states, “We become best friends with those whom we spend the most time.”

How much time are we spending with God? Is it enough to keep our Spiritual Tire fully inflated?  

To keep our Spiritual Tires properly inflated spend more time with God through prayer, service to Him and others and through the giving of ourselves and our resources.

Next time:  Life’s 4 Tires Carry Life’s 2 Loads 

It is true God gave us every emotion we are able to express ranging from pure delight and joy to life destroying anger and bitterness. BUT He did not give us this range of emotions to think with – He gave us a brain.

We dealt with inflating the mental tire last time. Although, in one sense, our mental and emotion tires are different they relate to each other very closely in that it is the mind that triggers our emotions.

A recent lesson in this series is an excellent illustration of this mental/emotional interaction. It was stated: Comparison is spelled K-I-L-L-E-R

When a comparison is made emotions are triggered. Even so, this is a neutral reflex.

If the comparison bolsters our spirits our emotions run high. If the comparison deflates our spirits our emotions hit bottom. If the comparison does neither surprisingly our emotions also hit bottom.

In an earlier article we learned words do one of three things:  They give life; they give death (to feelings) or they do nothing. In other words they do the same thing as comparisons. Why? Comparisons are most often made up of words.

Self-inflating the emotional tire is not easy, but it is possible.

Just as we learned inflating the mental tire was a do-it-yourself project so is inflating the emotional tire. We are not, however, left to figure this out on our own. Scripture gives us instruction in this area.

We see in Proverbs 23 a man comparing himself with one who is a ruler. From one word in Proverbs 23:7a thinketh, God is instructing the man not to think less of himself than he is:  “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.”

This usage of the Hebrew word thnketh is the only time it is found in the King James Version of the Old Testament. A brief word study should greatly guide our thinking in this matter. Although the Hebrew definition is easily discernable the English definition rounds out this teaching.

Hebrew:  thinketh meaning to estimate                                     

English:  to estimate meaning an opinion or judgment of the nature, character or quality of a person

Yes, what others say about us can bolster or deflate what we think and how we feel about ourselves, but we can do this to ourselves also.           

Step One in inflating our emotional tire:

I am reminded of the approach taken by a young boy who never seemed to do anything correctly, on time or well enough to satisfy his parents. They constantly, it seemed to him, to berate his every effort.

Finally one day he said to them, “I am made in the image of God, and God don’t make no junk.” Poor grammar – great theology.

Step Two in inflating our emotional tire:  Try it.

Next time:  Inflating Life’s Spiritual Tire

As previously alluded to the mental tire in this illustration relates to human cognition rather than mental illnesses. The successful application of this tool is to recognize which one of life’s four tires went flat first and attend to properly inflating it.

A combination of several tools previously taught, and now applied, will aid in inflating a mental flat tire. If mental fatigue can be directly related to physical fatigue read the previous article. If it is determined it is not related to physical fatigue consider the following evaluation steps.

If up until now everything you have done has not worked do some thing different – different meaning doing something better. More is not better; different is better.    

There is no change if there is no change. If you want tomorrow to be different from yesterday, less mentally fatiguing, then you must develop a new game plan.

Until the problem has a name one will never arrive at a solution. Trying to deal with un-named issues is a primary, major mental tire flattener.

We can dwell on the named, or un-named, problem or we can dwell on a solution – the one we dwell on will grow thus inflating the flattened tire.  

Get selective help in determining which life issue caused the mental flat tire. If you do not engage a Bible-Based counselor who is trained in this field select someone who demonstrates living a balanced, productive life.

In the latter case, this should not be (pardon the crude expression) a spill your guts session. Un-trained listeners are not usually emotionally or spiritually equipped to handle such an out-pouring of human emotion.

Do you remember the lesson on C O P E. This acronym stands for Cover Over Problems Effectively. The conclusion was this cannot be done.

Next time:  Inflating Life’s Emotional Tire

For more than 25 years I have been teaching this tool, and have always started with the physical tire for reasons noted in my previous post dated May 4^th.

Recently I received the following quote in my Inbox by Brian Tracy who is an International Motivator.

“Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.”

Whereas he speaks of tires being in alignment, and we speak of our physical tires being properly inflated; as a secular motivator I think he has captured the full impact of this biblical principle.

What causes physical flat tires? Just about anything ranging from a hick-up in our life’s routine to major sicknesses and – what many experience in today’s fast-paced world – two many tasks and too few hours in a day.

Regarding the latter, many approach me with the complaint that, “There are not enough hours in the day!”

I am not un-sympathetic to their lament, but I must confess my response may lead some to think differently:  “Do you mean God did it wrong when He established a 24 hour day?”

We inflate our physical tire by listening to our body. Getting proper rest, relaxation, exercise and a healthy diet, in proper amounts, together produces miracles. Add to this regime learning to say, “No,” when you are already over extended.

One more suggestion:  Keep a daily To Do List.

Start the list with what must be done before anything else can be done followed by a list of what should be done. Expect the unexpected. Emergencies will arise, and when they do quickly review your list of things to do that should be done and transfer them to tomorrow’s list if possible.

And most importantly, at the end of your day reflect on your accomplishments not on what went undone. Be nice to yourself.

Inflating the physical tire is prerequisite to inflating the mental, emotional and Spiritual tires. We’ll look at these next time.

Next time:  Inflating Life’s Emotional Tire 

To illustrate the mechanics of this problem-solving tool envision driving a four-wheel vehicle on any highway when suddenly one tire goes flat. In some situations it may not be possible to pull off the road to get out of the flow of traffic. You must continue to keep up with the flow of traffic in order not to suffer greater endangerment.

Under these driving conditions several challenges confront the driver. The vehicle may swerve out of control or at least the ride will become bumpy. Under the more extreme conditions driving on one flat tire could cause another tire to be affected. Under the most extreme conditions all four tires can become flat and peel the tires off the rims. Have you ever watched the police pursuing a speeder on television? If so you should get the picture.

People driving their life’s vehicle experience this effect, but because of extenuating circumstances they cannot pull over to the curb of life  and repair the tire that is flat.

Many people in counseling, upon hearing this explanation often exclaim, “That is me. All my tires are flat. Put air in any one of my tires and things will be better for me.”

“Not so,” I counter.

Humanly speaking we must put air in the tire that went flat first. An most often it is the physical time. As in the illustration above, the first tire that went flat pulled down all the others. The same is true in dealing with life’s flat tires.

The first tire to be dealt with is the Physical Tire.

But, Tom, you are a Christian counselor. Why don’t you deal with the Spiritual Tire first?  

Looking at the earthly ministry of Jesus, as a model, which tire did He deal with first – most often? The Physical.

He fed the hungry, gave sight to the blind, healed the lame and the leper, and raised the dead. Only after He dealt, literally, with the physical, mental and emotional tires did He inflate their Spiritual Tires. 

Many problem-laden come asking, “Why did God allow this flat tire to interrupt my life?

One ministry-boast that I declare loudly and clearly is this:  “I don’t beat people over the head with the Bible; I don’t shove Scripture down people’s throats; I teach Biblical principles because they work.”

If I sent a counselee home after the first visit telling them to read the Book of John three times, commit 10 verses of Scripture to memory, and go to Sunday school and church every time the doors were open, and did not deal with the physical tire, they would come back and say, “God can’t even help me.”

Next time:  Inflating Life’s 4 Tires

This is the primary problem-solving tool employed by this ministry. There are many important tools that precede this one, and there are more tools to apply in completing the problem solving process. But this is key.

Life’s tires are delineated as the physical, mental, emotional and Spiritual. By mental tire I am intending to convey one’s intellect. This ministry does not treat problem-solving stemming from known mental illnesses and/or dis-orders. 

Although depression accompanies some forms of mental illness, many forms of depression can be termed as a mechanical breakdown, that is, depression is the result of a non-medical problem not an illness.

To solve any problem the root-level must be ascertained. An easy to understand analogy is if you only cut the top off of a dandelion you will see it flower again.

Root-level is not new terminology. However, various counseling techniques define root-level differently.

We define it:  The junk in your trunk.

What is on the inside of you makes a difference in what you hear.

Simply stated, all problems are housed or nurtured in unresolved anger and unresolved resentments – even some forms of depression.

Next time:  Life’s 4 Tires Properly Described

Two words that are conspicuous, to me, because of their absence in the King James Version (KJV) of the Bible are assume and compromise.      

To me, John 8:32 speaks of the opposite of assume,  “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” Personally, I assume nothing in my processes of drawing conclusions.

Likewise, compromise does not appear in the KJV. Why?

Compromise sets people at odds with one another; it does not build a coalition. The definition of coalition I see as being biblically based, i.e., the act of coalescing:  UNION.

The Elements of Compromise

When two opposing principles or propositions must be reconciled they are brought together in a conversation between two or more people. Each faction holds to tenets near and/or dear to them. Each party will state their case knowing they are at odds with one another. In order to resolve differences opposing parties begin to make concessions to the other in an attempt to arrive at an agreement.

What is wrong with this process?

In order to reach a point of compromise each person or party must give up something of value they hold in order to appease the other person or party.

Bottom Line:  Each person is to some degree dissatisfied with the ultimate compromise because of what they lost in the process thereby not able to be satisfied with the agreement.

Militarists have long contended appeasement breed conflict.

What is the biblical solution? Co-operation.

Co-operation, is seen by some as an element of compromise, and that this statement is a play-on-words – but it is not.

How to Remove the Fallacy from Compromise

As above stated, each party brings their views to the table, and state them fully without interruption. Each point of each presenter is then weighed against Scripture. Points that cannot be supported biblically are made to conform to Scripture. Both parties will them agree to conform, that is, co-operate with God’s Word.

Next Time: Right versus Wrong

Last time we saw God holds each one of us personally responsible for what we think, say and do. God only knows what we think; and He alone hears everything we say and sees everything we do.

What is the danger regarding rationalization in this context?

In the decision making process people often rationalize to the point of compromise, more so perhaps, through verbal communication than through actions.

You may have said, or heard someone say, one or both of these rationalizing remarks:

“Well, if you knew what he said to me; you would know why I said that to him.”

“If you knew what she did to me you would know why I did that to her.”

In the vernacular, pay back. We justify our actions – more correctly our reactions.

This is not Biblical.

I include Philippians 2:3-5 in every marriage ceremony I perform and in every counseling case that comes before me because it deals directly with this issue.

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things (i.e. from his own perspective), but every man also on the things (i.e. from their perspective) of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.”

Next time:  The Fallacy of Compromise