Author's posts
Mar 29
Think, Say, Do
God holds individuals personally responsible for what they think, say and do. This phrase encapsulates all we have learned about speaking and hearing since starting this series September 8, 2014. Since this is so, a review is in order. When we dealt with one of the three levels of change, i.e. the situational level, …
Mar 22
How to Get Rid of the Junk in Your Trunk
What is on the inside of you makes the difference as to what you hear. Illustration: Everything I am telling you now you are processing through what you already know or believe (what is on the inside of you) about this subject. And there is nothing wrong in doing so. In fact, sometimes it …
Mar 16
Part Two: Blame Keeps Wounds Open
One of our closing thoughts last time taught us that the mind has a mind of its own. Individuals can choose to remember or choose to block out the memory of things depending on the value or lack of value of that thought. Often thoughts are buried deeply during difficult episodes in life. They …
Mar 08
Blame Keeps Wounds Open
This title, Blame Keeps Wounds Open, is an incomplete statement. The balance of the statement is: Only Forgiveness Heals. The last article was concluded with the truism: The Bowl That Holds the Acid is Eaten by the Acid. This Acid can be un-resolved anger and/or un-resolved resentment. This Acid can also be un-forgiveness. And …
Mar 01
Anger: Wanting Someone Else to Pay
Last time we learned, we can change our actions faster than we can change our feelings. One of the hallmark Scriptures regarding anger is found in Ephesians 4:26-27 which admonishes the reader: “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.” Dr. …
Feb 22
Love Is Action Not Feeling
We can change our actions faster than we can change our feelings. This is an easy lesson to understand, making it easy to teach, because we have all perhaps been there and done this at some point in our lifetime. Picture the following scenario: Two people are feuding, fussing and fighting or yelling, hollering …
Feb 15
Prescription for Great Communication: Bless, Edify, Share and TOUCH
In our previous articles we have been expanding on the full breadth of communication through the acronym BEST. We have noted this is a prescription written by Dr. Ed Wheat, M.D. in his book Love Life for Every Married Couple for attaining and maintaining Great Communication: Bless, Edify, Share and Touch. The principles we have …
Feb 08
Prescription for Great Communication: Bless, Edify, SHARE and Touch
In our previous articles (here and here), we have been expanding of the full breadth of communication through the acronym BEST. We have noted this is a prescription written by Dr. Ed Wheat, M.D. in his book Love Life for Every Married Couple for attaining and maintaining Great Communication: Bless, Edify, Share and Touch. …
Feb 01
Prescription for Great Communication: Bless, Edify, Share and Touch
Last time I introduced Dr. Ed Wheat, M.D., and his best selling book, Love Life for Every Married Couple. I noted many of the prescriptions Dr. Wheat issues are applicable to relationships outside of marriage. As a physician, he offers the following prescription stated in this acronym: The BEST prescription for a superb relationship: …
Jan 25
The Mechanics of Silent and Listen
Last time we stated that just because a person is silent it does not pre-conclude they are listening. Indeed, the silent person may the thinking of their reply or retort. In either case the listener may be missing out on important details being shared. This would be particularly critical in trying to build or …
Jan 18
Communication Is a Two-Way Avenue
A placard displayed in a frame shop window attracted my attention causing me to pause and mediate upon the two-word inscription. This vital truth attracted me as a teaching tool for our counseling ministry. As a teaching technique I use impact statements based on a verse, passage or Biblical principle. These impact statements deal …
Jan 13
Comparison Is Spelled K-I-L-L-E-R
Glancing back at last week’s article, I repeat: Emily Dickenson, in one of her poems said, “A word is dead when it is said, some say; I say it just begins to live that day.” To say comparison is spelled K-I-L-L-E-R is a lesson in stark reality. Comparison is the key element in advertising …
Jan 04
Negative Humor and the Sensitivity Level
Emily Dickenson, in one of her poems said, “A word is dead when it is said, some say; I say it just begins to live that day.” Lawrence J. Crabbe, in his book The Marriage Builder said, “Words do one of three things: Words can give life; they can wield death; or they can …
Dec 28
How to Attack the Problem without Attacking the Person
Last time we looked at the first two phases of the following diagram. This time we will walk through the third phase. In a brief review we saw when a problem presented itself two people often attack each other – which obviously doesn’t resolve the issue. Next they begin to attack the problem the way …
Dec 22
Attack the Problem and Not the Person
This principle is based on the axiom: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If we can prevent a problem from developing, obviously, we do not have to cure that problem. But how do we do this? This is a three-step process outlined by the following diagram. This is taught in the …
Dec 15
Don’t Try to Make it Make Sense – Right Now
Many subliminal signals alert us that something is amiss. Our five senses of human nature, to wit: hearing, seeing, feeling, smelling and tasting work separately, or in concert, for the purpose of warning us and prompting us to take averting action(s). Yes, instant action is often appropriate; if the house is on fire call …
Dec 08
Cover Over Problems Effectively
In this series we are looking at three ways people attempt to solve problems that do not work and why they do not work. First we pointed out that a person’s objectivity for problem solving is often based on their most recent experience(s). We concluded this is an ineffective tool for problem solving for …
Nov 30
Things People Do To Solve Problems That Do Not Work and Why They Do Not Work
There are three primary things people do to solve their problems that don’t work. Objectivity in Problem Solving Cover Over Problems Effectively Don’t Try to Make it Make Sense Right Now Starting this week and for the following two weeks we’ll examine why these approaches do not work. Doing things that have not worked …
Nov 23
The Three Levels of a Problem
The first level of a problem usually begins as a feeling accompanied by a thought. We think something doesn’t seem to be right. We’re not certain what is amiss, but we feel there is something going on. Following this thoughtful feeling, if we haven’t concluded what may be amiss, we voice our concern to a …
Nov 16
The Problem is ________________.
My father-in-law during his latter years, he died at age 94, would reply when asked how he felt, “Well, I hurt all over more than any where else,” which usually evoked a chuckle from the inquirer. But would that answer satisfy his physician? Would that answer satisfy a counselor? The obvious answer is, “No.” …
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