Last time we stated that just because a person is silent it does not pre-conclude they are listening. Indeed, the silent person may the thinking of their reply or retort. In either case the listener may be missing out on important details being shared. This would be particularly critical in trying to build or re-build a relationship.
My five-foot tall wife learned early on many people may appear to be listening to a short person, but when she felt she wasn’t being heard, understood or taken seriously she would insert this phrase in her dialog: “…and my pink elephant slipped on his purple roller skates…” and in the same breath complete the statement she was making.
Very rarely did one of these listeners catch, understand or acknowledge the insertion of this phrase.
In some sales techniques-classes trainees are taught to look at the tip of a persons nose when talking to them. Doing so gives the listener a triple illusion: 1. The speaker is concentrating on me. 2. The speaker is being honest with me. 3. The speaker is listening to me when I speak.
All of the above may be so or not so. In all fairness, the speaker may be looking you in the eye and not at the tip of your nose and may be sincere. Monitoring carefully their responses to what you say will prove or dis-prove their sincerity.
In actuality, silent/listen are but a small part of communication. Effective speaking and listening techniques are spelled out well by Ed Wheat, M.D. in his million-plus best selling book Love Life for Every Married Couple.
As a physician he offers the following prescription in the form of this acronym: BEST prescription for a superb relationship: Bless, Edify, Share and Touch. Elements of good communication appear in each aspect of his approach.
In brief the following points are excerpted from this acronym:
“Perhaps you have never thought of blessing as a practical element to be introduced in your conversation. The principle of blessing is a biblical one, and the Christian is commanded to practice it.
“To put this in the most practical terms, you have the power to bless your conversation by the words you speak. You can also bless by learning when to be silent and listen – truly listen.
“Three aspects of blessing through communication are found in Scripture:
“You bless by bestowing kind words upon another.
“You bless by sharing words of thankfulness and appreciation.
“You bless by calling God’s favor down in prayer upon others.”
Next time: The EST of BEST: Edify, Share and Touch
