Negative Humor and the Sensitivity Level

Emily Dickenson, in one of her poems said, “A word is dead when it is said, some say; I say it just begins to live that day.”

Lawrence J. Crabbe, in his book The Marriage Builder said, “Words do one of three things:  Words can give life; they can wield death; or they can lay there and do nothing.”

On a personal note, while dating the lady I married she said, “Tom, I like everything about you except your negative humor.” This surprised me, but that criticism was a wake-up call for me more than 30 years ago.

In our Christian dating circles I was known as the life of the party. Many tried to match wits with me – none were able to do so. I would always end by saying “You don’t get up early enough in the morning to get ahead of me.”

That statement became my by-line, but with Pat, now my wife of over 30 years, I didn’t want it to be my downfall.

I would like to say that cured me of using negative humor, but it didn’t It did, however, cause me to temper my remarks. No longer do I engage in negative humor that wields death or says nothing. I now purpose that what I say begins to give life when I say it.

Teaching is one of the best methods I know of for learning. Did you know that words set in motion that which is spoken? An illiterate inmate taught me this lesson when I was serving as a jail chaplain. Here is how it went down.

During a counseling session an inmate said, ”They always told me I’d grow up to be like Uncle Eddie.”

“Tell me about Uncle Eddie,” I said.

 “Well he was no good. He was always in and out of trouble, and in and out of jail. He dropped out of school and hung around on the streets. To get drugs he started robbing people, breaking into houses and even sticking up some small stores to get money for drugs and beer.”

“Tell me about your life,” I asked.

He looked down at the cement floor, shook his head slightly, looked back up at me and said, “Ditto, Uncle Eddie.”

Proverbs 23:7a warns:  “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he….”

Whoever they were poisoned Uncle Eddie’s nephew’s mind. With their constant negative comments they helped to mold his thinking, shape his opinion of himself and ultimately set his life’s direction – in and out of jail.

Yes, I know the inmate was ultimately responsible for his actions. He was doing the time for doing the crime. However, this does not alter the fact that words set in motion that which is spoken.

Consider the impact of your words as they fall on the ears of those around you. Remember words not only affect the people to whom you speak directly – they can impact all who hear them – even indirectly.

Next time:  Comparison is spelled K-I-L-L-E-R