Last time we looked at the first two phases of the following diagram. This time we will walk through the third phase.
In a brief review we saw when a problem presented itself two people often attack each other – which obviously doesn’t resolve the issue. Next they begin to attack the problem the way they see it only to find out that usually doesn’t work either.
I’ve taught this principle for more than 30 years, and found it interesting that the person we are attacking often holds the key to solving the problem.
In this diagram P = Problem, H = Husband and W = wife. Although this principle is applicable in many areas of disagreement, it is easiest taught in the context of husband and wife.
Attack the Problem Not the Person
When an issue presents itself it is always the husband’s responsibility to take the initiative to resolve the problem. Always means always. In a non-marital situation the person in a leadership position or the person most capable would take the initiative.
Before following the direction of the arrow both parties must take note of some basic facts regarding any disparity between two or more individuals.
This following thinking is based on a biblical principle found in Romans 3:10: “As it is written, there is none righteous, no, not one.”
The Greek word righteous carries the connotation equitable, by implication innocent or right. Ironically a person cannot be 100% right or 100% wrong. Repeating: There is always a certain amount of right and a certain amount of wrong on both sides of every issue.
Before determining what the disagreement is the parties involved must know how God wants it to be settled. Illustration: If the husband is 75% wrong then he is 25% right. That means the wife is 25% wrong and 75% right. What does God require of each?
God requires the husband to give up 100% of his 75% wrong. God requires the wife to give up 100% of her 25% wrong. To settle any issue it makes no difference as to who is most right and who is most wrong. God requires each to give up 100% of their percentage of wrong.
Following the arrow, it is the husband’s responsibility to unite with his wife and they must civilly discuss the matter(s) using God’s Word as the Mediator.
Earlier in this series we determined that before a problem can be solved it had to be given a name. After naming the problem consult a complete concordance and study what the Bible teaches about the specifics of that subject.
Once the biblical solution is determined apply those principles and resolve the matter.
We will never be without problems yet we need never be without solutions.
Prayerfully ask: Is this incident worth more than this relationship?
Next time:
Negative Humor and the Sensitivity Level
